Play

I started to giggle and then tried to hold it in which only highlighted the next giggle.  I don’t remember why I was giggling now but I couldn’t stop.  The giggles were coming close to a full belly laugh and I kept telling myself to stop.  It was a totally inappropriate reaction to being shackled into the stockade.  Sir of course found a way to make me stop giggling but I had to really focus in order to stop.  I was just too happy, too full of joy, too in love with life not to let it out.  I wanted to sing from a mountain top like Julie Andrews,  ”The hills are alive with the sound of …”, whips and moans not music but still that swirling around on a hilltop captured how I felt.  It is this concept of play that filled me to the brim and overflowed.  What a wonderful word we use to describe what we do and I can only think it is the most appropriate word in the kink dictionary.

What is play though?  Perhaps my definition is different from others.  I like this definition for the feeling I am describing:  play is a physical or mental activity that has no purpose or objective outside of pure enjoyment or amusement.  There are other definitions and aspects of play that are just as valid but I am focusing on that enjoyment that comes from deep in my emotional pit when I play with Sir.  I have had plenty of activities that I enjoy either solo or with others but not with that sense of fun that I remember from childhood.  To me, childhood play has the sense of joyful abandon and innocence, of magic and wonder, and of a smile that won’t stop.   It is being so happy that I forget my worries, my responsibilities, and anything else that gets in the way of just feeling joy.  As I look through the benefits of play for children, I can’t help agreeing that I benefit in similar ways now.

I can remember playing as a child but somehow growing up, I lost the ability to play.  Perhaps it was just me or my sexual partners but vanilla sex was never about play but the destination of “orgasm”.  Of course there were moments of fun, passion, excitement and discovery but not that full belly of simple joy that I remember from childhood.  I probably was too busy holding myself aloof from my partners to have real fun.  I hated to feel dependent on my partner or need him or let him see me vulnerable.  My huge barriers of prim, proper, respectable, and always in control also entered into the equation.  Can anyone imagine Lady Violet (from Downton Abbey) letting her hair down?  Sadly I do not recall a moment of true play since I became independent and left my family home.  Perhaps the memories are there but lost to me in this moment.

Why can I play with Sir when the concept and feeling has been allusive for so long?  Of course, it is his ownership of me, my body, and my thoughts that frees me from my driven nature to get to the destination and then on with the next challenge.    The nature of a power exchange relationship removes me from the race and allows me to feel happiness without a goal.  Sir always tells me “An orgasm is not the goal” and that in itself releases me from that vanilla climatic destination (at least to me).  My thoughts can focus on the immediate use of my body and what will happen is out of my control.  Time slows down and I can feel the ache in my contortions, the summer breeze of the flogger, or the surprising strike of the cane and its after-sting.  I may be moaning in pain and pleading and wiggling but deep down, my soul is smiling and saying OMG this is fun.  Sometimes that just has to come out no matter how inappropriate.  So I will giggle or laugh at times and I am sure Sir will correct my behavior.

And that is the point .. it is play.  Of all the words we use and argue over in the kinky community, I bet I will never see a Fetlife thread on the inappropriate usage of the word play.  It is something maybe we can agree on.

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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One Response to Play

  1. ted_subby says:

    I like this post a whole lot. Play as you define it has always been a huge part of my life, and during times when it is missing for me (always due to circumstance) is when I have the most difficulty.

    For you to recognize that you are experiencing such great joy is a big positive because sometimes people take things for granted and that often reduces their level of joy.

    I’m picturing you in the stockage giggling and Sir putting a stop to that, it must’ve been a funny scene.

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