The Box

A few weeks ago, Sir asked me my opinion of several stockades made by Dungeon Delights.  I examined the different types and attempted to imagine how a stockade would be used.  We discussed it and compared the metal restraints we have with the potential uses of a stockade.  I was uncharacteristically nonchalant during our discussions and I felt a bit detached from the eventual purchase of the stockade.  We might have been discussing the pros and cons of the Galaxy SIII (me) versus the iPhone 5 (Sir).  I think it was the unfamiliarity of terms like scavenger’s daughter, make a fiddle, impaler … huh? that made the whole situation feel safe and innocent.  It wasn’t like I would be enmeshed in all that metal unable to escape.  Sir was probably getting it for some other purpose or that imaginary other sub I bring up and mentally rely on to take the really evil stuff.  Then Sir instructed me to look at pictures depicting these unknown terms and I had to gulp.  I had this suspicion take root that perhaps I would be the one looking like that!

Well it was ordered and we both anticipated the delivery of the Box and coincidentally meeting (yeah!).  As I counted down the days to meet and the shipping of the Box, I had moments of anticipation and fear laced with extreme excitement.  What would it feel like?  Oh wait, maybe Sir would never use it and just obtained it to torment me with anticipation?  Could my body take that position?  Would my stomach hang down like a cow’s utter and look horrible?  What exactly is the impaler?  I didn’t dare investigate that, :) . During the wait, I continued on with my life but during the oddest moments, the tingle of anticipation would course through my body and I would try to imagine what the cold metal and immobility would feel like.  It really shouldn’t have been hard to imagine based on all my experiences with Sir but it was.  In my head, I objected and said no way was I being restrained by that “thing” and each time I realized “no” is not in my vocabulary.  What was this?  Some kind of self-torture to re-acknowledge who has the control over and over again? The stockade allows access similar to some bondage positions but for some reason, I was very afraid.  Would this be a moment where I remembered I have a safe word?

Several days pass …

Today I picked up the Box and man-handled it out to my car.  My heart was racing and my mouth went dry and the picture of me replacing the person in the pictures appeared in my head.   And then Sir told me, there was no guarantee that he would use it so I should stop my worries.

The next day …

Now I am driving to meet Sir and the trunk is loaded with the Box and other things.  My mouth is dry with fear and I am trying to concentrate on driving so I don’t have an accident and have to explain the contents of my trunk.  The relaxation music I have on the radio does nothing to control the rapid beating of my heart.  With each passing exit, the paradox of this relationship with Sir flies by.   Turn around yells as loud in my head as hurry up and get to Sir!  I am racing to give up control and yet I don’t want to give up control.  I don’t want this dependency on Sir or anyone!   Why should I have this interruption to my day-to-day life?  Why do I feel so energized and and want to drive off into some unknown adventure?  But that is exactly what I am doing!  That energy I am feeling, that feeling that anything is possible if I set my mind to it, that must be the power I surrender.  And just maybe today, the impossible will be possible, and I will escape from Sir’s clutches.  As I pull into the motel parking lot, none of my thoughts matter other than being physically with Sir and rejoicing in that.  The waiting is over.

To be continued …

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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One Response to The Box

  1. ted_subby says:

    Victimized, film at 11!!! I look forward to part 2.

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