Environmental Control

“If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, “Who could have done this? We have no enemies.” —  Phyllis Diller

Growing up, my sister and I had to alternate cleaning our bathroom.  There is nothing more onerous than cleaning bathrooms in my opinion.  One day as I was on my knees cleaning out the bathroom vanity, my sister remarked, “You know you don’t have to do that each time.” and I replied, “Yes I do.”  She complains that I am maxed out on the organizational genes and she has none.  Cleaning to me is a chore that means not just the outside is put to order but all drawers, closets, bookshelves, and hidden compartments that my fingers come across.  I may be a bit obsessive compulsive since I know it bothers me tremendously when I open a closet and the contents are not arranged correctly.  However as anyone with children can tell you, nothing is ever clean, organized, or uncluttered until they go off into adulthood.  I have learned to fight my need for organization and live with clutter.

But as I reflect on my desire for a clean, well-organized house, I acknowledge the need to control my surroundings.  If my surroundings are cluttered, my mind builds a wall to keep out the chaos and the internal anxiety it creates.  My control of my environment extends to those people who wander into my environment and I really want them to just put things away and make sure it is the way I like it.  However, despite this need for organization, I am not a neat freak and believe as the sign says “Dull women have immaculate homes” or at the minimum, house cleaners.  When my house is neat and orderly and everyone is in their place, I do feel a sense of control and power and I enjoy feeling this way.  This is the power I surrender to Sir.

Sir often tells me I cannot appreciate one emotion without also appreciating its opposite. If I never felt this control of my surroundings, how would I know the depth of what I yield to Sir?  In fact, calling myself submissive and saying I am in a power exchange relationship does not mean I do not have self-control or never feel in control.  Like many who call themselves slave or submissive, I am a strong woman with many skills and at times, I must yield to my more dominant personality traits in order to function in this world.  But that is the beauty of it all .. knowing my audience and being able to function and appreciate all that is me on both side of the slash.  But could I surrender power to Sir without first feeling that sense of power?  I know when I am down about my life and have no sense of value, I struggle within our relationship.  I feel I yield rather than surrender.  I have come to realize it is just as important to me that I feel strong, capable, and of value without Sir as with Sir.  I must surround my life with those things and activities that promote these feelings.  So I will clean my house and know it is filling my power battery but I will also seek out those things that feed my soul because as Phyllis Diller also says “Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?”.

 

 

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
This entry was posted in Emotions, Life Skills, Service and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>