Fantasy Sunday

Waiting is my friend and my foe.   At times, it is a joy to live my busy life and simply listen for Sir’s request to meet.  But then there are those days that I simply wish to live deep inside myself in a quiet room and just wait.  No, not a pleasant room filled with books and hobbies but a cold, harsh punishment room like in Kitty Thomas’s book Comfort Foods.  I frequently fantasize about this room of concrete and the bare necessities because it mirrors my image of waiting.  Sometimes my life distracts me from waiting and I resent the stimulations and interruptions.  I want to hold onto the sameness of constant nothingness other than the realization that I am waiting.  It is a room of anticipation,  feeling possessed by Sir, and for listening for his call.  I am me in this room and wish to stay there unless he desires me.   Sometimes I wish upon all the stars in the universe I could be in this room.

If I cannot be in this room, then I wish I could be chained and wait.  I picture myself as Jacob Marley clanking and moaning for Sir as I wander my house.  My soul is heavy and compressed as I make myself smaller inside my mind.  In my fantasizes the chains are never heavy enough to keep me still and I struggle to escape.  Sometimes I wish on all the pennies in all the fountains for the chains to be there and relieve my suffering.

Sir tells me to be careful what I wish for.

Sir told me to put his shackles on.  He placed the heavy metal collar around my neck and clicked the lock.  I watched as he attached chains between my feet.  I watched as he attached chains between my wrists.  It was exciting to watch this and I thought OK I can handle this and hid my nervous giggles but then he tethered me to the wall via a long chain, placed the key in a sealed envelope and left.  The smile and small giggle that I had suppressed disappeared into tears and fears as the door clicked.  I stood there waiting for the door to open hoping he would just check on me.   The door remained closed.

I examined what I could reach and listened to the clanking and felt the heaviness of the chain.  I had the key, food and water, a bed, and the bathroom all within my reach.  I had my phone, a book, and even the TV remote by my hand.  This was my little world for an indeterminate time.  I tried to read but the words were too jumbled.  I ate something.  I watched a few minutes of TV.  I realized my list of things to do was limited and I wanted none of what I could do.  I wanted Sir to return and that was all that I wanted.  What if Sir didn’t come back?  When should I open the envelope?  After 5 hours?  Maybe 6?  I looked at my phone … maybe I missed a message.  No message.  I listed the things I could do over and over and did nothing.  Gradually I sank into a strange kind of sub space that bordered on sleep but I was awake listening for footsteps and hearing only cars.  I watched a bug sit on the ceiling and just waited.  My body became so heavy that the thought of moving seemed an impossible task.  It felt like a thick concrete slab was pressing down on me so I closed my eyes and listened.

Eventually I moved and Sir did come back but my mind was an empty vessel.  OMG, it had been only a few hours and my prison was quite comfortable so what was up with that?  I think it was the shock of not anticipating Sir’s plans and then realizing hey, this is that fantasy and it is everything I wished for!   I always wish for chains and Sir always threatens me with them and here was the threat made real.  And reality did reduce me to nothingness like I imagined .. a nothingness and sameness filled with waiting and thinking of Sir.  I felt very much like his treasured property with no other function but mindfulness of Us.

Upon reflection, I loved being chained and “mentally imprisoned” but I also knew it would end.  What if this was the case for longer periods of time?  Would I so readily give up my choices or rebel?  If I was in that punishment room with limited options for long periods of time, I can’t contemplate who or what I would be.  But these questions don’t need answers or even to be asked because Sir is in control.  However, the questions will be fun to contemplate in my fantasies.

 

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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One Response to Fantasy Sunday

  1. ted_subby says:

    This is quite deep and thought-provoking. To be able in reality — not just fantasy — turn boredom into submission is quite an accomplishment, I would think.

    I often fantasize about being in a cage, not a prison cell but a confining cruel cage and imprisoned by my dominant wife. No cell phone or anything, just me. (I fantasize a lot so this is just one of many dozens of fantasies.) Would I really be able to enjoy such an experience? 15 minutes yes, 30 minutes yes, what about more? I don’t know. I think 1 hour yes but I don’t know about more than that.

    And the cage would need to be somewhat comfortable or else my body couldn’t handle too much. And it has to be red, I’ve always liked red. Okay, forget red.

    I would, however, need to feel the cruelty and enjoyment of my wife putting me there, not just putting myself in there. That’s how I enjoy all suffering within BDSM, feeling or sensing the sadistic cruelty of my wife enjoying my suffering.

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