The Reality of Pain

Day 29:  Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

I am a masochist.  I never knew this until I met Sir.  I don’t remember having fantasies of whippings or thought about pain as a means of enjoyment.  Although I might hurt following exercise like horseback riding and not be able to walk very well, I didn’t equate this with enjoyment.  It was something to endure to meet my goals.  But then I don’t really remember my fantasies from before meeting Sir.  I think this is very odd but it is the way it is (perhaps I have realized my fantasies?).  I know I mentioned pain as a need when Sir and I first negotiated our relationship.  I wanted to explore how I felt about it just as I did bondage.

I don’t remember the first time Sir spanked me but I bet he does.  I know it hurt and I remember saying “Ouch!” which he thought was cute.  Spankings have never been a regular part of our play since he obtained a whip, a paddle, and now a cane.  Every now and then Sir will spank me with his hand and I love the intimacy of it.  Sir also had a flogger from the beginning and I never really liked it until recently.  It annoyed me which I think is funny.  I always had a vision of taking the flogger from his hands and throwing it out the window but since I was bound, I couldn’t do it.  I guess if I somehow managed it that would end up on the list of things not to do to your Dom.

My relationship with pain is determined by my mood and Sir.  There have been times I am just not in the right frame of mind to enjoy pain and I will think as I drive to meet him, “I hope he keeps that _____ in his black bag!”  But if I think Sir is enjoying himself, I typically end up enjoying whatever he is doing to me.  And then there are those times I am not meant to enjoy it, Sir is.  And the pain of the whip, the paddle and the cane is so different and interacts with whatever else is going on and how I am restrained.  Sometimes I hide from the pain inside my mind but eventually it breaks through and I am immersed in it.  Each strike becomes my reality and I enjoy feeling the pain coursing through my body and knowing I am alive and happy and Sir is happy.  I wonder if I can endure it and I marvel that I can and who cares why.  Pain occupies my thoughts and stops the mental processing and the constant questions I have about the universe.  The pain releases me sexually and intensifies my orgasms.  Sometimes it is a cleansing ritual that allows me to face stress and the chaos of life with courage and strength.  Pain is all the emotions and experiences of life condensed into each and every strike on my body.

There are 2 caveats to my enjoyment of pain:  punishment and bastinado.  Punishment is never fun.  My body may enjoy it but mentally the pain is enveloped by my infraction, Sir’s disappointment, and the idea of punishment.  I avoid the need for punishment as much as I can.  Bastinado or the whipping of the soles of the feet is never fun for me and the thought of it makes me shake.  I cry and can’t stop.  I shake and plead and moan and beg for it to stop.  Sometimes Sir whips my feet because he wants to and other times it is for punishment.  It takes all my focus to remain still and accept the pain as inevitable.  Even now I shudder.

Just as with bondage and other forms of restraint, pain reminds me I am not in control in our relationship.  It pushes me to that point of acceptance and the realization of the implication of saying yes to Sir.  It is a mysterious thing to me and that excites me.  The pain forces me to feel the edge of my limits and how exciting it is to wonder if I can endure it.  When I contemplate pain, I sometimes get the image of the Enterprise warping off into that unknown area of space in the opening of Star Trek with my safe word somewhere at the edge of existence.  And just as the characters didn’t sit and dwell on what they might encounter, I don’t sit and dwell on what might be or what might occur.  Each moment of pain is a unique occurrence in time and I just don’t know what will happen, I can’t predict it, and I can’t avoid it.  Sir is in charge of time itself.

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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3 Responses to The Reality of Pain

  1. ted_subby says:

    @bonimiss, I like that a lot, focusing on your Sir’s enjoyment even during times when you don’t enjoy the pain. That is a type of submission I would like to experience but I guess that’d be tough since I always enjoy when my wife gives me pain of whatever type (and the rare times I would not enjoy it, she just wouldn’t apply it).

    I forgot to mention about humiliation because that was in the question beginning the post. I just love when my wife humiliates me and when it combines with the pain, that is what puts me into orbit (in a good way) and I often cry from the combination. I never cry outside of play (typical man with that, unfortunately) but with enough pain and humiliation from my wife I bawl.

  2. bonimiss says:

    @ted_subby .. I think my point is that while I enjoy pain and love it most times, there are many times I don’t enjoy it and I focus on his enjoyment, not mine. I probably should have mentioned marks in my post. I love them and hate to see them go and Sir enjoys marking me. It is a way of keeping him close to me after we see each other.

  3. ted_subby says:

    I enjoy reading your perspective on pain. I read from a lot of subs that in some cases they take pain for their dominant even though the sub may not particularly enjoy it. I like that dynamic because to me it means that the dominant has taken control over the enjoyment and not just doing what the sub enjoys. In my case I believe that my dominant wife does everything with the goal being my enjoyment but that gets in the way of my view of the dynamic I would like which is for her enjoyment to be paramount even to the point of stepping all over me (within limits we have discussed).

    Regarding pain in particular, I am not much of a masochist but I greatly enjoy the feeling of victimization I get. Yes I would somewhat enjoy S&M impact even without a D/s context but not to a great degree. With the context that my wife is doing whatever the heck she wants to do to me, even pain which I particularly don’t enjoy for its own sake, my enjoyment goes through the roof.

    Tonight my wife and I were reading something on FetLife and she slightly bemoaned the fact that I never have marks which last more than 30 minutes. Her conclusion was that she does not hit hard enough and when I made a point not to disagree with that, she decided that she is going to be hitting me harder.

    I already yell and sincerely beg for mercy (because it hurts so much) so I am afraid of her hitting me harder but I also believe that I will love it despite the additional pain.

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