Restraint: Ropes

I love rope.  Just typing the word makes my heart pitter patter and visions flow through my mind unbidden.  I think of all those years where I touched rope and never felt a connection to it.  It had a utilitarian purpose in my life that secured boats to docks, dried sheets in the sun, or held tents safely over my head.  I wonder how it did not speak to me then or send tingles up my spine and feed my fantasies.  But it doesn’t matter since those days are past and rope is something different to me now.  Rope is Sir and our relationship made physical.  It is one facet of Us that binds me from Sir’s collar to his hand over the miles in our long distance relationship.

What excites me about rope?  There is the anticipation of bondage that carries me through the days of waiting.  I can close my eyes and remember my inability to move and the security I felt.  And then the waiting is over and I am with Sir and it is the little details that matter.  It is watching the intensity of his face when he picks up the rope and starts to bind me.  I cannot think of a more sensuous feeling then the rope being applied to my body and the ropes tightening into my skin.  I have no favorite position because I soon as I think of one, I think no, perhaps the other.  Unless Sir can devise a way to tie me hog tie, spread eagle, in a chair, hung from a door and all the other ways all at the same time, I am quite content to leave myself in his exceedingly capable hands.

I love immersing myself in the pain of the ropes and struggling to find a more comfortable place.  But there is no comfort but security and safety knowing Sir will not let me get away.  I need to know this more than anything.  As he runs his fingers over my body or torments me with various toys, the ropes magically disappear and I become this physical entity that is his to do with as he wishes.  Finally there is that moment when Sir releases me and as the blood returns and the pain of movement recedes, that delicious head space of peace and happiness overtakes me as Sir cares for me.  It is all so very, very good starting from that initial figment in my mind.

Ropes are more than peace though.  I also love struggling against the bonds.  Sometimes I just want my freedom and I do not wish to have these ropes holding me and preventing me from rising, walking out the door, and just disappearing.  I think who the hell is he to hold me?  How did I get into this predicament?  I rebel physically and mentally and at times hate myself and who I am.  I forget there are ropes holding me and I think just stand up and go!  But in trying, I remember I cannot.  I feel an anger that comes from deep inside me and it is an anger based on the evil, injustice, and unfairness of the world and my situation.  Why did I say yes to his collar?  What makes me need him so desperately?  Isn’t it just a matter of controlling my need and denying it?  I struggle against the ropes but I am struggling just as vigorously at accepting myself as is.

My love of running is my feeble attempt to escape from my love of bondage.  Sometimes I  just want to exhaust myself physically and mentally and vow I wouldn’t stop until that urge for ropes goes away.  At the beginning of the run, I try to decide on a route that will replace my urge.  Where will I find that peace, security, and safety that I find when bound?  As I come to the first fork in the path, my feet follow one direction and I think perhaps this way and I keep running with no direction, choosing path after path with no lessening of my need.  I realize it doesn’t matter which path I choose because I am running from myself and then running into myself.  I cannot escape who I am just as I cannot escape from Sir’s ropes.  There is no destination other than acceptance of self.  The urge will always be there just like the noisy cicadas on my run.

And it is this same acceptance that occurs when I am bound by Sir’s ropes.  I think I cannot escape and this is what is.  It is the new norm of my life .. to be held still, to be used however Sir wishes to use me, and to know I have tremendous value as I am.  I don’t know why my submission is as much about struggling as it is surrender but bondage mirrors the mechanism of my personality.  I do not always struggle and I love those times we meet where my anticipation of being with Sir overcomes my need to struggle and fight.  Sometimes I wonder if it is the long distance nature of our relationship that makes me struggle so.  If I was restrained in some way 24/7, would I finally yield forever and be at peace?  The answer lies only in my fantasies.  My personality is one of opposing forces waiting for one side to win.   So I wait and then the ropes hold me tight and I can finally rest and I am OK.

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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