Long Distance

Sir and I are in a long distance relationship and the time has flown by.  Last May, I was surprised to realize it has been 3 years of growth, new fun experiences, and happiness.  Of course, as in any relationship, there have been rocky moments where I bet both of us have contemplated our needs and whether our relationship could fulfill those needs.  Since we are still together, we both answered in the affirmative.  But we are still together not just because our needs are being met but because of other factors.  There are many on Fetlife in the LDR groups who have gone years meeting erratically or not at all.  My hat is off to those relationships because it is hard.  There are plenty of tips, advice and encouragement in those groups but not everything works for every relationship.  So what are these other factors that I think have supported our relationship and helped us weather those rough moments?

The biggest factor that everyone agrees on is that communication is the most important factor in a long distance relationship.  However it is not just talking but learning the nuances of communication in the relationship.  Face-to-face communication is blessed with the tone and rhythm of language and the subtle clues of the body.  Email and text messages are there in black and white and can be easily misinterpreted.  In the beginning, Sir and I communicated predominately via email and gradually added text messages and then a daily phone call.  We saw each other every 4-5 weeks and it was during this time, that I could match the written words to his feelings and meanings.  We don’t use a webcam or video chat so the early meetings were very important.

I admit I frequently misinterpreted what Sir said and added harsh tone to simple text messages when it was not the intent.  I did this because of how others had spoken to me not because Sir meant it.  I did this because I was insecure and because we had yet to learn of each other.  I could have simply been in a bad mood and saw everything in a negative view.  I can only speak for myself but I tried very hard not to jump to conclusions but questioned Sir as to his intent.  This is how I learned to take written communication at face value and wait for clarification.  But even phone calls can be misinterpreted easily if two people don’t know each other yet.  Is silence a merging onto a busy highway or anger at words just spoken?   Are curt words indicative of a bad day or just thoroughly pissed off at me?  Were extended silences the beginning of the end or just a busy day as I was busy?  I hounded poor Sir with “Is everything OK?” to the point of provoking his anger and frustration with me.

We survived these early moments because we could both forgive and forget.  Our relationship was not yet a power exchange relationship so punishment was not a factor but Sir did ask me to contemplate if what we had is what I wanted.  Maybe even he contemplated if my annoying quirks were worth it.  Both of us had to learn about each other and we were both willing to give the other the time and space needed to do this.  In today’s world, instant gratification is typically expected and if the game is not won in the afternoon, some will walk away.  We both took the risk that it would take longer than an afternoon and worked hard at learning about each other but also mistakes were forgiven and then we moved on.  The goal was not to avoid mistakes at all cost but to learn from them since in life, mistakes are unavoidable.

I think patience in the moment and patience in the long term also played an important part.  I started out completely ignorant yet wanted “it” all right now but I had to learn patience and to enjoy the journey.  I was never a patient person since I had to control everything around me and patience can be perceived as indecision.  I had to learn to listen to Sir, be willing to give up that control, and give him control of our relationship.  I fought for control within myself and with him.  Looking back, I see although it was hard to learn, it was so important I do this.  A seed cannot be a tree overnight and that is what I wanted.  It is like that movie Click where the character fast forwards through the bad moments in life.  It was the good, the bad, and the ugly of our relationship that has been fun .. all of it, the journey as Sir has told me over and over.  But then so far, he is always right.

Of course, the foundation of friendship, respect and trust was necessary or why forgive and why be patient?   Despite our differences, friendship grew and now as Sir says it is because of our differences that we enjoy such a friendship it makes me tearful.  Our differences provide an alternate viewpoint of life that provokes exciting conversations and some disagreements.  Trust and respect developed in fits and bursts as we learned the nuances of each other.  Since I write to Sir almost every day, he knows most of my secrets.  I know what is important to know about Sir although I would fail epically if we were on some TV show and asked questions like “What is his favorite flavor of ice cream?”.   This part of our relationship was culminated in his collaring of me and our contract and provided security where miles just don’t matter.  That invisible leash to my collar does not come off.

The last factor that I think has helped me to cope with the distance are the usual tips and advice given by others such as Sir’s rules, rituals, and talking frequently.  To some extent, I had to be able to compartmentalize the anguish of being apart and focus on the life I was leading.  But recently, I think there is a change in how I view the impact of our relationship on the goals of my life.  For a long time, I lamented I could not serve him daily and do things for him and have his happiness the focus of my life.  It will never be like this and this thinking hurts Us.  Instead, I will be inspired by Sir and our relationship and take that positive energy from Us and let it propel me forward during the days apart.

None of what I have written does away with the sadness I feel driving away and the realization I must wait again but it is part of the acceptance of what is and the result of saying yes I will be collared by you Sir.  Our relationship was really a package presented to me by Sir and he said “Open it” and inside was our journey.  Of all the packages he has said to open, this one is my favorite.

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
This entry was posted in Emotions, Life Skills and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>