Review a Submissive Guide eBook (SGBHC #10)

Pick out one of the 3 free ebooks available on the site and review it. Share what you do and don’t like about it and how you use it in your own journey.

I chose the Submissive Guide eBook, Making Online Submission Work for You to review for this blog hop challenge.  My first exposure to D/s was in an online relationship with a good friend from a gaming environment.   Although the relationship was brief, we both had fun and we still discuss our memories and giggle about the tasks he presented me with.  I was a neophyte with just about everything including naughty photos, vibrators, and technology.  Although he remained in the vanilla world, our relationship whetted my appetite and confirmed in my mind that something better existed out there in the world but I had no idea how to go about seeking it or what it looked like.  My initial exploration and subsequent journey could have ended in disaster and almost did but I was able to extricate myself from a dangerous situation and found Sir.  I needed a guide such as Making Online Submission Work for You written by lunaKM and jessica elizabeth.

The authors begin with a description of online submission and the reasons for its existence.  Online training is discussed with a focus on examples of punishment such as essays, writing lines, and others.  Importantly, there is a section on blind faith, trust, and staying safe online.  Additional information about safety is provided via links.  Overall online submission is covered in both depth and breath.  One topic that might have been added is the role video games such as Second Life play in developing D/s relationships.

As a submissive that has both experienced an online and long distance relationship, I found the information on reality, trust, honor and blind faith sufficient for a person looking to explore online D/s.  One of my pet peeves in the kinky world is the questioning of other’s reality and submission.  In the early days of my kinky self, I felt I wasn’t doing kink right and fell into the trap of believing there was a hierarchy of kink.  Online submission is real and the feelings I felt for my friend at the time of our kinky play were real and the sadness I felt when we broke it off were real.  I was not an actor pretending to feel and the tears I shed were not chemically induced.  Reality is in the eye of the beholder.  I know there are some who play a D/s game and collect Doms like a card game but that is up to the individuals involved to discern and not my place to judge.  The authors dealt with this topic directly and discussed how honor is involved.   “It goes without saying that the submissive who pretends to follow the rules will not get as much out of it …”  However, this is true of all relationships.  We all build walls around us and protect our egos from harm by following the rules of society, religion, and relationships.  It is only when we trust enough to let the walls down that we reap the benefits of our relationships.

The information about safety and blind trust was covered in great detail and provided methods to maintain your safety.  A person playing online must remain vigilant and aware of possible danger especially if moving to real time play.  Sir often tells me I provided information and photos too quickly.  At the same time as meeting Sir, I was in danger of being outed from a previous relationship and yet I was still willing to provide information to Sir.  I realize now my previous partner was adept at lying and misleading me and I was too willing to trust too early and yet I trusted Sir within a short time frame.  My online friend often told me he worried I would get into serious trouble and I am lucky to have found Sir and only  had the one prior misstep.  But would I have seen myself if I had read this eBook?  Would I have listened to the good advice provided?  Or is it a character flaw in myself or was it my desperation controlling me?  The authors might have also discussed infatuation and sub frenzy in this section but it is difficult to see yourself when the drive to be tied up and to submit control is your every waking thought.

The eBook concludes with moving from online submission to real time.  Often it is the online Master that becomes the real time Master and I think the authors should have covered some of the safety precautions for this change including the safe call.  I realize one eBook can not cover the enormity of this change in the relationship but from a safety viewpoint, the safe call is tantamount.

Overall, the eBook Making Online Submission Work for You was well-written and covered the topic with very helpful and informative advice.  All the wonderful advice in developing an online D/s relationship though is meaningless unless you can stop, control your emotions and think with your brain and define to yourself what is real and who the other person sitting at the other end of that computer is.  Ultimately it is personal responsibility for your own safety that makes the difference.

 

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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