Time Management

Journal Prompt from Submissive Guide Journal Prompts, June 24, 2012

 Are you micromanaged? Do you find you flourish best in a micromanaged environment? Why or why not?

I am not micromanaged nor do I wish to be.  I feel it is my responsibility to manage my priorities and my responsibilities with respect to my time.  But there is something appealing about micromanagement but I believe it is the ownership aspect of time by Sir not management of my responsibilities.  I believe my time is extremely valuable and when Sir tells me to wait, he is controlling something precious and valuable.

In the beginning, I wanted to be micromanaged but then I wanted anything I heard or read about.  I dreamed of tasks one after the other and getting direction with day-to-day responsibilities.  Sir said no to any of this and I am thankful for this.  There is a fantastical allure to external time management but I would eventually grow resentful of this type of management.  I usually know what is important in my life, the priorities and deadlines I must respond to, and the available time I have to fulfill my commitments.  I feel as an adult, this is one of the facets of my life that I am responsible for.

However, Sir does own the aspects of my life that he wishes to.  I must be available for his texts, calls and to meet and I must ask permission to be unavailable.  I need to feel that the minutes of my life are under Sir’s control and approval.  I do not wish to be doing something that is wasteful or contrary to his wishes.  I must fulfill my obligations and responsibilities and when I do this well, Sir is pleased.  And I always check with Sir how I am to use those few precious minutes of so-called free-time.  It may take months until I can complete an approved project yet each time I work on it, I know it is something connected to him.  So although Sir does not direct the minutes of my life when we are apart, his opinion of my life matters to me.

Do I screw up?  Oh you betcha!  I have inadvertently been unavailable and missed calls from Sir or may try to seize control with my propensity to plan and control.  I do try to predict my availability but sometimes I do misjudge.  I simply forget that I don’t manage his time and must be reminded.  I am an over-achiever and tend to overcommit with projects and multiple items on my to-do list.  Sometimes I cannot find it within me to just say no to the people around me.  I stress myself out and this impacts my relationship with Sir.  Sometimes I want Sir to set my priorities or tell me to just say no but I am glad when he doesn’t.  I should be able to manage my time, set priorities, and hold myself to what is possible.  It would be punishment to me if Sir had to control this aspect of my life and I know it would upset me.  I hope it never comes to this but I also know it is a possibility.  I can only think that micromanagement of my time would be pure torture.

Lately I have not been successful in my time management.  I have overcommitted and added things to my obligations that probably were not necessary.  I blame my life but really I could have just said no.  My mind and body have said enough.  I would not wish for Sir to step in even if we were not LDR since I feel strongly my time is my responsibility to control.   And yet do I yearn to give it all to Sir and be thrown into that cage he mentions from time to time?  Yes of course but that is just hiding from life not submission.   I need to be accountable to Sir how I spend my time and know I have his approval but ultimately I need to be responsible how my time is used.

As our relationship has matured, I have developed this inner joy that prompts me to do more and more with my life.  There is this driving force to use my time wisely and with purpose.  That driving force is Sir and his belief in me.  If I think of something, I tend to say “why not?”.  However, since time is a non-renewable resource, I must also temper that energy with stillness and peace or the legal pads with to-do lists will rise to the heavens.  I no longer escape from life into video games but seek the real world but even that can be overdone.  So now I must learn balance.

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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