Fantasy versus Reality

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t expereienced real life BDSM or kink how do you think it might differ?

Wicked people never have time for reading. It’s one of the reasons for their wickedness.”     Lemony Snicket 

I beg to differ, :) .  I am not sure I quality for the wicked title but I like to think of myself as deliciously wicked and I do love to read.  Growing up, I would rather sit and read 3 or 4 Nancy Drew novels than run and play with other children.  I don’t know how many books I have read and I am certainly not a literary genius.  I simply read for enjoyment, for knowledge, and to alleviate boredom.  In my 20′s, I went through the obligatory phase of romance novels.  I didn’t just read about the heroine dragged off to be ravished but fantasized myself into her predicament and yearned for the handsome, rugged, masterful male that overpowered her better sense.  I eventually turned from this genre in disgust as male after male failed my tests (Oh where were you Sir?  Oh that’s right, middle school).

Now that I feel part of the kinky community, I have read some erotica and once I start a book or a story, I devour it emotionally, physically, and mentally .. I am transported as a book is suppose to do.  But erotica is a work of fiction and it is not real life.  The author is allowed the liberty of pushing limits and boundaries of the characters without a real, painful consequence.  I think I would have used my safe word if placed in the predicament of Robin in The Slave (The Marketplace series) and having my entire body caned (including the dreaded bottom of the feet .. oh I shudder at the thought).   But how can I read the words and not enjoy the luxury of thinking I could take it and wonder what it would feel like in real life and to push through the fear and pain to acceptance and surrender.  My thoughts enjoy the temptation for reality but the safety of the fiction.

It all looks so easy in fantasy also.  There are the obligatory rebellions, humiliations, degradations, and struggling but there is also always surrender and acceptance and an outcome.  Masters are always masterful and never cranky.  Slaves eventually obey and fall into the model of perfection and do not suffer from hot flashes, the trial of kids, or keeping the house clean.  Of course, I wouldn’t want to read about that, so of necessity, the plot must be separate from reality and unlike everyday real life.  It must take me to a place I wish to go or may never get a chance to go such as the slave auction, the mysterious house, or a dungeon.

Fiction also allows me to explore kinks that I might never get a chance to experience and can fuel either pursuit of a new kink or enliven my fantasies.  I can’t help but think of the pony play in Carrie and my fascination with the idea, the smell of the leather, and the physicality of it.  Would my real life experience of it match Carrie’s or would I be disappointed or have my own personal reaction?  How would I feel displayed at a party in a garden or in the niche of a wall as in the Beauty series?  Would I really want total enslavement, caging and removal from society as depicted in some stories?  It is easy enough to come up with a long list.  However, it is not simply the exploration of kinks described in stories but also my emotions and reactions to the character’s situation.  How am I different?  How am I the same?  Upon reflection of the character’s behavior, I can discover nuances of my own submission.

The danger of erotica is when a person reads it and thinks it is reality.  Since I do not live M/s 24/7, I get what I call the “24/7 hangover” after reading most good erotica. I get lethargic and can’t focus on what needs to be done and have trouble pulling myself out of the fantasy of being on my knees, naked before Sir minute after minute and interspersed with bondage and whippings.  The fantasy becomes like a drug with the expected intense withdrawal.  Maybe I exaggerate but I think there is an allure to erotica that strikes an inner need of sexual, kinky perfection in me.   However tempting it is, I would not wish the fantastical world of Masters and slaves.  It is the real world with not knowing what Sir’s mind holds that fuels our story.  I don’t know the twists and turns of the plot of our relationship or if the story is a fairy tale, comedy or a tragedy.  So let me just turn the page and keep reading.

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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