His Collar

Journal Prompt from Submissive Guide Journal Prompts, April 14, 2011

What does his collar mean and symbolize to you?

First, I had to change the wording of the prompt .. it is HIS collar not mine.  I frequently feel that it is mine and mistakenly call it mine but then quickly correct myself and say his.  It is his to place on me or take back at his whim although I do not believe he would do that.  His collar primarily symbolizes ownership to me but also encompasses the many facets of our relationship.  It provides me with whatever feeling I need when I need it:  security and safety when I get fearful, company and friendship when I am lonely, Domination and obedience when I rebel, and value and purpose when my self-esteem plummets.  It is a reminder of the trust, respect, acceptance, friendship and of course, kinkiness that is the foundation of our relationship.

My collar is a play collar with a bondage ring on it and my rule is to wear it when I can.  I do not wear it in public unless I am in a situation I know I cannot be recognized (like speeding down Route 95 at 75mph, lol).  Typically I rearrange my day to maximize my opportunity to wear it and somehow this provides the structure that I need.  I don’t have a ritual or mantra as I put it on since I am already focused on my day and what needs to be accomplished.  But I tighten it as tight as I can to remind me that it is there as I wear it.  I will be doing my thing and suddenly it grows tighter for some reason and I stop and think of Sir and wonder if he is thinking of me or pulling the leash at his end.

To my regret, I don’t know when Sir collared me but perhaps as he told me once, I have always been collared and leashed to him and it just took some time to find each other.  Maybe this is why the date is unimportant but it was traumatic and memorable to me.  The first time Sir placed a collar on me, I cried for an hour or more.  To this day, I can’t quite figure out why I cried although after that session, I frequently suggested answers.  Now, I believe it was my fear dissolving in my mind and not having an understanding of what was happening to me.  There were tingles of OMG I love this and OMG I hate this but it was more that I still can’t put words to.  For several sessions following, I would cry when he placed the collar on me and then one day, I stopped and wondered why I cried because the collar was where it was suppose to be.  What was I so afraid of that silly me cried?  I love his collar whether it is physically around my neck or hidden away.

For about a year, I have begged for a public, discrete collar to no avail (of course, naughty sub!).   Part of my desire to wear a collar all the time is the pride I feel in our relationship and pride that Sir has picked me and owns me.  Wearing his collar 24/7 in all circumstances of my life would be a statement to the world that I am owned by him and how honored I feel.  But this decision is his.  Recently, we devised a contract for our relationship and for some reason, my desire to have a permanent collar isn’t as strong.  Perhaps I view the contract as a stated commitment to each other although I don’t dwell on this aspect of Us.  As the summer vacation approaches, I see an opportunity to explore other rituals and protocols that may mimic wearing a collar.  But right now, it still saddens me when the time of day approaches and I remove his collar for safe keeping and yet the memory of it around my neck lingers.  In fact, the clock is ticking closer.

 

 

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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One Response to His Collar

  1. Mrs. M says:

    I understand your need for a public collar! I am quite lucky that Dr. M likes the possessive aspect of collaring, so he gave me a necklace (with a charm that symbolizes how we met) and clasped it on me. I’m never allowed to take it off. Then, he purchased me a ring that works the same way.

    It is odd – because of our circumstances, I actually picked out my own wedding rings (he saw them right before we got married and he slipped them on my hand), and while I love them, they don’t hold the same symbolism or meaning as my necklace and the other ring. It’s also nice, because as jewelry, my “collars” fit into my lifestyle (I do a LOT of work in a church setting, and even more around little kids in general), but at the same time hold a huge amount of weight for me (and Dr. M).

    -Mrs. M-

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