7 Things You Have Learned From a Dominant about Submission (SGBHC #7)

Can you think of 7 things you have learned about your submission or submission in general from a Dominant? Why is it important to look to Dominants for insights on ourselves? What makes learning from them different than learning from other submissives?

This is a great topic for the Submissive Blog Hop Challenge.  I have been thinking about it and jotting down my ideas for days.  I have learned so much from Sir, some of it perhaps I should have known through my own prior research but I was frightened (OK, terrified) of the kinky world.  Good girls did not google BDSM, submission, or vibrators.  Sir had daunting task ahead of him but also a clean slate as he recently described me.  Below are 7 things I have learned but also continue to learn from Sir:

1.  My education has been an experience driven discovery of the kinky world.  From the beginning, Sir educated me about terms such as switch, top/bottom, safe words and so much else but I resisted for months due to my rigid out-dated morals.  I would blush when reading the BDSM checklist and not make it beyond the first few items.  Eventually I overcame my reluctance and found the internet informative.  But more importantly, Sir educated me how to look at my kink.  It was less about labels and more about actions and feelings and discovering who I am.  He taught me there is no “right” way or prescribed path to perfect submission.  There is our journey with its twists and turns and enjoyment and discovery of each other.  This way of looking at myself with an open mind is how I look at others and their kink.

2.  Since our relationship is a long distance one, I have had to learn how to wait.  It has been difficult to master delayed gratification and patience but I have discovered the positive aspects to waiting.  During our time apart, I focus on other goals in my life and attempt to make some progress.  However, it will always be difficult but I know I please him if I just wait quietly until we meet again.

3. I constantly forget that I exist for Sir’s pleasure.  I may find our relationship, his rules and our play pleasurable but these things exist for his pleasure.  It is not up to me to ask why continually but to exist and enjoy along with him.  I am not in control whether it be my feeble attempts to top from below or to over think situations.  I learn and then relearn this lesson .. he is in control, not me.

4. The concept of trust had been elusive my entire life.  With Sir’s help, I have gotten beyond holding myself back from him and do not wait for the condemnation, rejection, and abandonment that I always believed would come at a moment’s notice.  With his honesty and integrity, his actions and words, the trust I have in Us, in him and in myself continually grows.

5. By pushing my physical and mental limits, Sir has helped me to recognize my inner strength and overall sense of self.  I feel capable of doing what I set out to do and I don’t focus on the obstacles.  It is knowing that the woman who is bound and endures is still there every waking minute and can overcome the inertia of fear of failure and lack of purpose.

6. Until I heard my first “good girl” from Sir’s lips, I didn’t realize how craved for validation I was.  I was always haunted by self-doubts and recriminations that I could be better no matter how successful I was.  It is still a struggle but when Sir says I have done well, it fills me with a sense of pride and value that I have never had before and I start to think maybe I am not so bad after all.

7.  Sir found my inner slut hidden behind prudish barricades and obstacles of ignorance surrounding the vanilla social fortress.  From the first moment he tied me up, he has lead me on a journey of hedonistic pleasure but has also challenged me to overcome my distaste or dislike of some toys or play.  I have discovered it is the things I hate most that I love equally as well.

Although I have learned many things from my reading on the internet, I have needed Sir to push and challenge me beyond my immediate comprehension.  Reading about submission can only tell me what submission is like for that person.  I needed Sir to present the challenge to dig deep within myself and figure out who I was and how my submission is defined.  Both types of learning have their place in my growth in knowledge of myself and my submission and that is a journey without a destination.  As I read this, I can’t help but say “Thank you Sir.” :)

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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2 Responses to 7 Things You Have Learned From a Dominant about Submission (SGBHC #7)

  1. Pingback: SGBH #7 Things You Have Learned From A Dominant About Submission | pet's journey

  2. Pingback: SGBHC #7 | 7 Things You Have Learned From A Dominant about Submission | Submissive Guide

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