That Submissive Feeling (SGBHC #5)

What brings out your most powerful submissive/slave mindset? Is it a regular occurrence in your life or do you long for that submissive/slave feeling more often?

Share a time where you felt your most submissive.

And here I thought this month’s topic might be easy and instead it is the hardest one so far.  It frustrates me that I can’t just have the answer and I blame my lack of kinky education and awareness but that is just a cop out.  It is just my nature to want the right answer quickly and get on with it.  So why is it so difficult?  For several reasons.

One, what is my mindset?  My mindset is a cocktail of emotions.  There are aspects of submission, slavery, and property always churning around in my head.  But Sir is not a bartender with a recipe book that consistently produces a specific emotional mindset since I too bring my own different ingredients moment to moment.  How do I compare that moment when I feel owned, a piece of property, a thing to the moment I feel more like a slave or submissive?  I don’t yearn for one feeling over another but love the mix and churning and the unpredictability of it all.

Second, what does powerful mean?  I know how it feels.  It is that tight envelopment of my thoughts and my essence that lets me feel powerful, peaceful, secure, centered and purposeful.  It is the intensity of wishing to serve Sir and insure his happiness.  This feeling comes over me under various circumstances and is not “Do x and you get y”.  It is a constant hum of control with its intensity dependent on my thoughts and feelings with Sir directing the process.

So what brings out my most powerful mindset?  I think it is the intersection of my perception of the degree of difficulty of the command with that moment’s feeling of ownership, my own value, and friendship.  I must have a reason to submit and focus on Sir not my own selfish perception of what I want.  It is the surrendering of control knowing he owns me and will fulfill my needs and keep me safe.

I feel my most submissive when I acknowledge to myself that Sir is in charge of our relationship.  In my past vanilla relationships, there has been that fight for control of the relationship and I always won.  I would decide how the relationship progressed, how our time was spent, and when it would end.  Inevitably once I realized I had won, I ended the relationship and renewed my search for that unknown missing thing in my life.  Then I found Sir and he is in control of our relationship.  I do not use my womanly wiles on him.  I do not have hidden agendas or secret manipulations.  There is a collar, ownership and my surrender of control to him.

This does not mean I don’t fight for control however.  I have my moments of rebellion and the temptations of escape and freedom but really it is a battle raging inside my head.  There is a moment in time after we see each other that the intensity and need for him in my life overpowers me.  I want to demand time, demand him, cry and wail, stamp my foot, and in general throw a wonderful, beautiful tantrum.  In my head, I question myself, his motives and the existence of our relationship.  I doubt and lose faith.   Of course, none of these thoughts are the result of rational thought but rather my fears in disguise.  Then I remember I am not in control and the relationship will be as he wishes.  I have what I need above all else, that is, to surrender control in that difficult moment of tremendous want.  I am not in control .. period.  I feel release from the burden of control, decisions, and consequences and I am filled with that submissive feeling and deep trust.   It is the freedom to be happy with my whole self and my entire life and to finally have a clear purpose, to be owned by Sir, and to finally know what trust feels like.

About bonimiss

bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is is a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.
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2 Responses to That Submissive Feeling (SGBHC #5)

  1. quindici says:

    I found a link to your blog on submissive guide. I just wanted to let you know I not only enjoy reading your thoughts but they are extremely helpful to me. So thank you. xv

  2. Pingback: SGBHC #5 | That Submissive Feeling | Submissive Guide

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