Journal Prompt from Submissive Guide Journal Prompts, February 8, 2012
Have you ever experienced sub drop? How do you and your owner deal with it?
I give a resounding YES I experience sub drop after most play sessions. The magnitude ranges from mild sadness to full blown depression with tears. I remember during the first few months of our relationship, I did not know what it was or why it took me 3 or 4 days to recuperate. In fact, I made no correlation between the play and the intense sadness and lethargy. I assumed I was just having a few low days and did not even tell Sir I was having problems. Once I started educating myself about submission and BDSM, I realized I had experienced sub drop and communicated this to Sir.
I never researched the topic until this journal prompt. Up until now, I have taken information gleaned from fetlife and tried some the suggestions provided by other subs. The ideas have had varying degrees of success. Submissive Guide has a research page on sub drop which provided additional information. I found rayne’s discussion of sub drop particularly helpful (Sub Drop: Fact or Fiction).
I would typically describe myself as a rational but occasionally emotional person. During sub drop, I become totally irrational and it is a frightening experience. I become detached from myself and watch as I become hypersensitive to perceived comments of rejection and abandonment. Trust and self-esteem appear impossible to obtain. I don’t feel perverted or dirty or regret playing but I have wondered if Sir will regret it.
In my reading, I see that my irrationality is due to the chemical soup in my brain as I go through the endorphin withdrawal. During this time of craziness, sometimes I become highly emotional and respond to Sir’s casual comments with high drama that results in my punishment. Inside the real me would be wailing, it is my evil twin Sir! The real me would never act like this monster saying such despicable things and thinking such horrible thoughts.
The degree of sub drop doesn’t play by any rules that I can determine .. it just lurks waiting to pounce in an erratic fashion. The unpredictable intensity of the sub drop has made it difficult to determine if my attempts to control or alleviate it have worked or it is just less at that moment. Over the course of our relationship, I have noticed it is worse when I have trust and self-esteem issues.
As our relationship has matured and my trust in it has reached depths unheard of in any of my prior relationships, I have searched for a magic potion that would reduce my craziness after a session. The first step has been understanding it and realizing I will always have sub drop to some extent. The next step has been to communicate with Sir about the extent of sub drop and to not hide it. It always helps to get that text message or phone call thats provides reassurance that he cares and that he had just as much fun as I did. Sir has been patient with me as I try to avoid the worse of sub drops.
And of course, I try to help myself. If possible, I avoid scheduling appointments or difficult chores and instead I pamper myself. I sit back munching chocolates and surf the internet for interesting kinky information or read erotica. I enjoy looking at our pictures of the session and feeling the physical exhaustion, aches and pains, and gazing at any bruises. I may ask for permission to cum. Drinking plenty of water never hurts and some light exercise or stretching can help. In a way, I am delaying my return to reality and my responsibilities and living in my fantasies fueled by the session.
However, despite these best attempts of concocting a magic potion, I still drop heavily on occasion. I feel the drop is also due to the abrupt change in the power exchange. I realize in hindsight this is why I would instigate a disagreement between us. Once he acknowledged my disobedience and instituted a punishment, my body would sigh with relief. Our power structure was reestablished. So it is not just endorphin withdrawal but also the deep trust and security and acceptance from the session withdrawing behind the shield I present to the world. I don’t want that feeling of trust and control to dissipate and I am lost and frustrated as it slips through my fingers. I need a bit of the hair of the dog the next day, 
. I agree with rayne that a good whipping would help but is not possible in our relationship. So I will have to come up with a mechanism of adjusting to flow of power in our relationship without resorting to disobedience.
